Why is bedtime for toddlers so hard?

At one time or another, most parents have dealt with bedtime struggles. Bedtime for toddlers is one of the common struggles. Personally, I found that as my baby became a toddler, bedtime became harder and she was fighting sleep. 

Why does this happen? It is totally developmentally appropriate for toddlers to challenge bedtime. Toddlers and preschoolers are practicing exerting their independence. They are finding their voice and they often like to challenge everything. 

At this age, I’ve also observed that children like to control things when they can. This can be really hard to deal with especially at bedtime when everyone is tired.

How can I make bedtime easier for my toddler?

Have a routine

By having a consistent bedtime routine, both myself and my child know what is going to happen during the bedtime process. Over time, this is something we have made happen smoothly at my house by having a consistent routine. It took us some tweaking to figure out what our bedtime routine would look like, so don’t worry if you are still figuring out your routine. 

Having a consistent routine can help limit some of the bargaining kids will do. For example, we’ve always read books at bedtime. We started a phase where our daughter would keep asking for more books and would get upset when we said no. We capped it to three books, and this just became the rule and was no longer up for debate.

How long should a toddler bedtime routine take?

The bedtime routine typically takes a bit longer for toddlers than infants, and that is okay. I have found that a bedtime routine of about 20-30 minutes can work nicely. This includes everything from getting in pajamas, brushing teeth, changing diaper or using potty, and any other parts of the routine such as books or songs. We want the routine to be calming so that it’s conducive to sleep. We don’t want anything in the routine that’s going to get anyone too excited or worked up. 

The routine can take longer if bathtime is part of it. If your bedtime routine is shorter or longer,it isn’t necessarily a problem as long as it is going well and it’s enjoyable. If it is longer than 30 minutes because there’s a lot of going back and forth or your child is resisting the routine or bed in general, then it could be time to reevaluate

How do I get my toddler into a bedtime routine?

The number one thing I would suggest for anyone implementing a routine is consistency. Think about yourself and if you are trying to start a new habit. If you do it consistently, then you are more likely to be successful. Depending on how old your toddler is and their communication skills, you could talk to them about the bedtime routine and what the expectations are. 

For children who don’t have the verbal skills or are visual learners, I have found that using pictures can be really helpful. You can have a picture for each step of the routine. If you want to make it into a tool you can use, you can laminate this picture schedule and use a dry erase marker to cross things off as completed, or you can use individual pictures with velcro on the back and have a place to put each picture once it’s been completed. We have a free bedtime routine visual schedule guide that you can download to try.

Use an Okay to Wake Clock

I’m a big fan of okay to wake clocks. There’s lots of options out there, but the general idea is that the face of the clock changes colors based on if it is time to sleep versus time to be awake. Our clock turns red at bedtime and then turns green in the morning when it is time to get up. These can be helpful for kids who tend to get out of bed a lot and also with enforcing that it really is bedtime since the clock has changed colors.

Offer some choices

Instead of entering a battle of the wills at bedtime, I give my child some control and let her make some choices during our routine. The first step of our routine is pajamas, so she picks out her pajamas. When it’s time to brush teeth and use the potty, she gets to pick which she does first, but both always happen before bedtime. When it’s time for books, she will pick out which books she wants to read. 

By offering choices throughout the routine, it can really help the routine go more smoothly. It makes it a cooperative effort, so everyone is working together. I have found in my work that young children really like to have a job and be a helper. 

Limit Screen Time

Screen time too close to bedtime can add to the bedtime struggle. I try to start having wind down time at least an hour before bedtime. We make sure the tv is shut off and screen time is done for the day. 

I limit screen time close to bedtime for a few reasons. I find that screen time can be stimulating and the transition away from screen time can also be challenging. If your child is upset because it’s time to shut the tv off and starts to tantrum, that can set bedtime up to be harder.

Pick a time that’s best for your child

The best time for bedtime is something that will vary from family to family and even from child to child. A lot of this is dependent on the overall daily routine. If you aren’t getting home and having dinner until 6pm, then bedtime at 6:30 isn’t going to work. I do find that for most toddlers, somewhere between 6 and 7:30 tends to be the ideal bedtime.

 This all depends on when your child is waking up for the day and what their nap schedule looks like if they are napping. I’ve found that when a child transitions from two to one nap or when they drop nap completely, that they will often need an earlier bedtime to make up for some of that sleep. 

For kids who are napping, 9-11 hours tends to be a good amount for night sleep, but once they drop that nap they tend to need more like 10-13 hours at night. Having a bedtime that lets your child get enough sleep during the night can help avoid them being overtired when it’s time to go to sleep.

Know that you aren’t alone

I know it can be hard, but you definitely aren’t alone if bedtime has become a battle with your toddler. Bedtime for toddlers ia a very common sleep struggle. It’s developmentally normal and a phase that most kids will go through. If the bedtime battle is feeling too hard and you feel like you could use some support, please reach out and schedule a discovery call. If there’s been something that has helped with your bedtime struggles, feel free to share in the comments below!